Ever since I became a mother I always considered myself a Latin mom. By default I speak to my kids mostly in Spanish, feed them latin food and follow the traditional Latin customs I was raised with. However, sometimes I question myself about what Latin upbringings I want to adopt with my kids and what are just not me. For example, I am against spanking my kids using anything else aside from my hand and they must do something really bad to deserve a spanking or I have reached a point where nothing is working. It is very common in Latin America for parents to punish there kids using a belt or “the punishment stickâ€. I remember my grandmother used to have a belt hanging by the kitchen for using if any of her grandkids misbehaved. Perhaps it’s the fact that I came to the United States when I was just 12 years old, so I have adopted a lot of the American customs and I am also married to a Cuban American that is more American than Cuban. The American culture also frowns upon any form of spanking, and god forbid you do it in public.
I have a 3 year old daughter that speaks a mix of Cuban and Honduran Spanish, along with fluent toddler English. She does eat the rice and beans, chicken soup with tons of cumin and the occasional “Cantimpalo†chorizo. I find it funny how she has learned some Honduran spanish slang and some Cuban ones. I was petrified when I heard her say her first curse word “putaâ€,which means bitch, a curse word commonly used in Honduras. Then she learned the commonly used Cuban word “coñoâ€. I was almost certain she was turning into a true Latin child, until recently that she prefers to speak to me in English.
When I found out that I was pregnant with my second child, I started researching on other ways of parenting. I needed to get my daughter under control before the second baby came, or I would go crazy. The Latin way of raising my daughter was just not working. My husband and I started seeing a child therapist to help us ease the process into bringing another child into the mix and get my daughter to listen to us.
I’m sure all moms from all cultures have the same dilemmas. Should we spank them when the “Time Out†is not working? Should we give in to the Mac n Cheese menu every day because they refuse to eat anything? These are all questions that have crossed my mind and I wasn’t sure how to answer.
The American way of parenting has many versions, which to a point become confusing. Should I apply the “American All Natural†approach and go all organic and feed only organic food to my child at all times or the more “American Practical†and be ok with the occasional “Happy Meals†or Mac n Cheese when I don’t have much time to cook?
My husband has introduced me to an interesting book called “Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
†by Pamela Druckerman. This book has opened up my eyes on noticing more about how American kids are raised and I’ve noticed I have applied a lot of those practices without realizing. Now that I am more aware I am trying out some French ways of parenting described in this book while still keeping some of the American and Latin customs. To my surprise things have started to go more smoothly with the kids. My daughter is starting to listen to me more and there are less tantrums in the house and in public. My son that is only two months old has to sleep the night and wait four hours after each feeding to eat again.
There is no perfect way of raising a child, or the one culture that has figured everything out. I guess I can say that I’m not just a Latin mom, I am an international mommy in training.